Hey, so-
I’m supposed to put up some pictures so you know what everyone looks like, along with matching Hollywood names.
Whatever. I’m bored and Spanish isn’t for another three periods, so here we go, I guess.
Jacob Kingston
(Vince R. Kowalski)
I know, right? I’m hot as shit. But sorry, no dick pics, the site doesn’t allow it.
Emily Kingston
(Cara Delevigne)
God, she’s beautiful. You can just… see how fucking smart she is, you know?
Plus, I mean… look at her…
LOOK AT HER, GODDAMN IT:
You think you could look at this gorgeous little genius every fucking day and not fall in love? Do you? DO YOU!?
Emily is the single most attractive human being alive. Fucking period.
Cindy Kingston
(Elle Fanning)
My precocious little sister. She’s, uh, really growing up lately. Isn’t she?
Dr. Sarah Kingston / Mom
(Brooklyn Decker)
Oh? Not hot enough for you? Well first of all — Hey, c’mon, that’s my Mom. Lay off, asshole… — but second of all, here are a couple pictures from last year’s trip to Big Sur:
Kind of a wonder I wasn’t the fattest baby in the country, huh? My love of whole, white milk makes sense though, right?
Jeffrey Kingston, Esq. / Dad
(Josh Halloway)
I mean… he’s my Dad. Messy hair, dresses well, vicious trial lawyer, plans to run for governor in a few years and he’ll probably win.
I guess he’s okay looking, for an old guy. I’m not exactly an expert. I’ve seen Emily and Cindy turn to watch look at him shirtless, which is just crazy, cuz he’s soft as fucking doughnut compared to me.
I mean, right? Right?
Anyway, whatever. You never know what women will find sexy, I guess.
Ms. Araceli Acosta
(America Ferrera)
My hot Spanish teacher. Here’s a little peak from my phone:
But no more than that. Rules are rules.
Okay, that’s everyone important. I guess I’ll throw some new pictures up here as new people enter the story? I dunno. We’ll see.
-Jacob Kingston
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Her Tongue 